Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Here I am, in front of my computer. Trying...something. Writing doesn't come easy to me, yet I keep getting sucked back into it at every turn.

This is an interesting time to be alive. It's certainly an interesting time in my own life. I am working on waking up my brain. I am inspired to care about government, to care about my own future. I can't go back.

I am disapointed with myself because I feel so very many things, and I can't get them out. The words on the page are clumsy sketches. I know certain things are true, I know certain things are so very, very wrong. I don't have anything to do but keep trying.

I am resolved, no matter what the outcome of the election, I have to be involved in government and the way things work and decisions are made. I am resolved that what bit of writing talent I have should be used to speak things that need to be said.

Thursday, October 23, 2008


Ok, so here is the plan. I have become, if it's even possible, more complacent since the baby came. It's time for me to start thinking way bigger and start doing way more.

So, be it resolved that I will do one thing-that-takes-actual-effort a week. I will write about it here.

That is all.

I want

Another baby
For someone to tell me what to do with my hair
New clothes
Cute boots
A home makeover
A more interesting job
A nanny
A bartender
More moneyA good night's sleep
For my husband to unload the dishwasher
New music for my ipod
A vacation
Somewhere fun to go
More gumption

Monday, October 20, 2008



You are 6 months old and big! So Big! I say "hey fat baby!" when I talk to you, which makes you smile, but you're not so much fat, like rolly polly, as you are just a BIG BOY.

I want to take 5 million pictures of you every day, I want to capture your sweet toothless grin and your big wild afro. I want a keepsake to remember your yummy fat legs. The way you frown with concern, the mischievous look you get in your eyes when you tttthhhhh! and blow little beads of spit all over me (gross, kid).

Anyway, you're awsome is what I'm saying. You are my sweet little man. It is the sweet sadness of every parent to know that their growing baby is not the tiny, helpless creature he or she once was - and I am no different. Every day you are growing up and away from me. But I love you. And although some day I'll miss the baby you are right now, I can't wait to kick your butt into being the man that you should be.
My head is full of words these days. I think when I'm driving, I probably look like a crazy person, muttering and shaking my head. I am just overwhelmed with how Not Right certain things are. I am being such a shithead, I know.

I think I've realized a lot of things a lot of people have already realized before: racism exists, organized religion is mostly bullshit, people can be stubbornly stupid, etc.

In other head is full of snot. My nose feels huge, I am a big whiney baby (as usual). The baby has whatever I have, but is actually not whiney at all. This should probably make me ashamed but it doesn't.

That's all for now. Have a great day!

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Today's endorsement of Barack Obama by Colin Powell made everything better. Like on your birthday, when the day just has a heightened feeling of extra-goodness. As a matter of fact, I think Colin Powell should just go ahead and issue a common sense, thoughtful, rational thought of the week every week. It will make me feel less crazy. Although the truly stupid, racist and stubborn probably won't listen anyway.

It's gushing, I know, but I wish I could put into words how truly inspired I am by Sen. Obama. How amazing it is to be able to have another role model to show my son and stepson. How sorely black people in America were missing something huge to be proud of like this.

I've also been inspired to do more, give more, be more active. I've been trying to figure out how.

Saturday, October 11, 2008

Part of the reason I now have perminant frown lines

So part of the magic that is Facebook is that I've been reunited with lots of people from my parents' very right wing religious church.

As of late, they've been posting lots of Anti-Obama video claiming he is anti-bible (he's a Christian) and somehow linking him to Ferrakhan. I could just un-friend them, but 1. I'm kind of crazy and 2. I like to see how the other half thinks.

Anyway, I had to say something after viewing the "Obama hates the bible video." I tried rationally telling her that it was probably wrong and got a shouty "god is gonna burn down the country in anger" email in reply.

This was my reply, it kind of puts a finger on part of the reason Christians are pissing me off these days.

I guess the point I was trying to make is this: To me, that video was not made to enlighten, to give hope. That video was made so that Christians like you and I could be made fearful and angry. So that we could see that and be hurt "how dare he mock the Bible, that we hold so dear."

But as Christians, what do we have to fear? How can we not be hopeful? What good is it to spread things like that that bring up such negative feelings when the God we worship is so much larger than Obama, McCain, Palin or Biden?

So what if Obama was mocking the bible in that video (which I don't think he was) - think of the Christians who have truly lived in times where Christianity was not only mocked, but outlawed. Those who tried to outlaw it didn't have the power to stop it, and their efforts didn't stop Christians from believing.

I worry that the spread of videos like that one, and others that I've seen posted will only divide us more. And what good is division when the world needs the church so badly!

In that link I sent you, Obama states that he is a Christian. As our Christian brother, I believe we are called to pray for him and love him, even if we don't agree with everything he does. Even as I write this, I am reminding myself that I have to do the same for Sarah Palin, who is not my most favorite person ever.

Our nation's fabric is shredded, but fear and anger won't help. But I think love and prayer will.