Wednesday, September 24, 2008

a ramble

**Reposted from Facebook**

Ok this might be ugly but I need to get this off my chest.

I just saw that there is a facebook group called "Pray for Sarah palin." This is the problem I have with religion right now. Wouldn't the Godly thing be to start a group called "Pray for our country" or "Pray that the right leader is selected"?

Now, I am an Obama supporter, so I'll admit I'm a bit biased, but I need to know -- what makes Sarah Palin so holy? I know that she is against abortion in any case,'s about it. I'm not being sarcastic, I really haven't seen anything else.

If we're going by politicians who have publicly declared Christianity, Barack Obama has done that, too.

Christian to me is: Who has she helped? Has she been honest? Has she done good things with her power? Does she look out for her fellow man? I'm not saying she hasn't done these things, I just haven't seen them and I'm wondering if her supporters have, either.

Here's what I want. I want a world where we're not being baked alive by global warming. I want a government that respects my intelligence enough to be honest with me and not give me a bunch of double talk. I want a country where people who have had abortions, are gay, are black, are ugly, are poor, can have a fair shot at a life without fear or shame or intimidation. I want a country that respects and celebrates rational thinking and embraces new ideas.

I don't know. I've had a glass of wine and I'm nervous about my future. But I'd like to hear other opinions, too. I could be wrong.

Thursday, September 18, 2008

I realized today that the countdown is on until my 28th birthday. My graduating class in high school has a facebook group (everything in the world has a facebook group, btw) and there is just a two word summary: "We're old."

Of course, 28 is far from old, but it's not young either. At this point, if you're a trifling fuck-up, you don't have the excuse of inexperience to bail you out. When people talk about you they say you're old enough to know better.

I feel like I have changed a lot in my 27th year. I think I have gotten a lot less lazy, more organized. I am a teeny, tiny step in figuring out what I want out of life. Not that I know, mind you, but I know enough to ask myself what I want.

I have been working on what I think and what I believe lately. I read a post from this guy (link here) where he invokes The Secret and how what you think can become a reality. He was talking about Sarah Palin, her terrifying popularity, and the fear that many have (myself included) that this is just another step toward fear and control and forced religion. So I've been trying to be more positive in my thoughts in that respect. I've never read The Secret and I'm a little wary of Oprah's new-age hokeyness, but I do think what we think becomes our reality.

So, anyway, that made me think about my own life. About how much I fall into playing the victim, how comfortable I am saying "woe-is-me." I thought to myself, I need to envision the life I want, envision yourself powerful and active. And you know what? I couldn't. I can't. I have built quite a hill of passiveness for myself.

Monday, September 08, 2008

Exhaling, pushing, writing. Three things that are harder than you might think. Whenever I sit down to write, I notice that my shoulders tense up. They are hunched up toward my ears. That's the part of my brain that wants to come up with what's already been written. I want to be as great as all the greats before. Which is about as likely to happen as me forcing myself to look like Naomi Campbell. I can only be me.

Push, push, push took on a whole new meaning for me when I was numb from the waist down and pushing out 8 pounds, 10 ounces of baby boy. It felt just like working out to me. Hard, harder than anythhing. But good, too because I knew something right was happening. I caught the rhythm of how you're supposed to push. The doctor tries to explain it to you, but it can't really be explained -- you just have to get it. It's a cross between pooping and riding out a bubble. Weird and gross, I know, but true for me.

Writing is exhaling, pushing, overcoming, all of the hardest, best things for me. I create a huge junkpile of hopes, wishes, cliches, pains, hurts, fears, successes, failures, everything - and then I have to pick my way over them to come up with, well, this. It's hard but good, too, because I know something right is happening.

Friday, September 05, 2008

Here's what I believe.

I believe you can love God, love your country and love and support Gay and Lesbian friends and family.

I believe in the power of the bible, but I don't believe it should be used as the only basis on which to run my country.

I believe that a woman should have a right to choose whether or not to have an abortion, and that either way, it is my God-given responsibility to love and support her.

I believe that many Christians who sincerely love God and want to do the right thing are being swindled by the Republican party. I believe the things they hold most dear are being used against them in the most cynical, un-Godly way.

I believe that we cannot pander to those who are close-minded and stupid. I believe the days of the lowest-common-denominator are over.

I believe in love and liberty and fairness and responsibility. I believe that I owe it to my country to do my part.

I am a Christian and I am a proud Democrat. Shocker, huh?

Thursday, September 04, 2008

Dear Gov. Palin

Dear Gov. Palin,

Nice job on your speech last night. I won't insult you by implying you didn't write it yourself. You got a lot of good one-liners in there.

But here's the thing. I'm not buying your story. I don't want "just a mom" (pit-bull or no) a heartbeat away from the presidency. Not that there's anything wrong with being a mom - I recently became one too, and know it's not easy.

What I'm saying is that you guys (Republicans, I mean) already pulled one over on the country by selling your candidate as "one of us" and look where that's gotten us. I don't want my drinking buddy to be my president. And please don't think for a minute I believe you, your hockey team or your "First Guy" will be anything more than a figurehead in the tragic event that John McCain takes office. I'm thinking the plan is: he screw things up some more -- you come out, appeal to the masses with your plain talk, and middle America is happy again.

Which brings me to the subject of words and language. I am offended by you and your party's attempts to downplay Barack Obama as "just words." In a civilized society, words and ideas create change. Words make up the Declaration of Independence. Words make up the Bible for Pete's sake!

And one more thing, because I know you have Trooper-gate to attend to, lets talk about that witty little one-liner about community organizers. I'm going to let you in on a little secret. Community organizers are the heart of this country. They are the ones doing the dirty work - feeding the hungry, housing the homeless, helping single moms (you may know something about that). They are the real agents of change and you just brushed them off.

Thanks for letting me get this off my chest. And just so we're still cool - I must say your hair did look very pretty last night.



Wednesday, September 03, 2008

Right now

Hi. I'm tired. I'm always tired when there's finally time enough for updating here.

There is a baby upstairs who is trying to get up a good cry because he's pissed that it's bed time and he's tired.

Giuliani is speaking a bunch of crap at the RNC. They've got the New York skyline behind him for goodness sake! I think he's gonna ride the whole September 11 thing out for as long as he can, even though he obviously didn't win him the presidential nomination. Also: they just showed Palin's knocked-up daughter. Poor kid. Also, AWK-ward. Haven't seen the baby daddy just yet.

Monday, September 01, 2008

Lets be honest here. I am trying to write and it is hard. I can't hammer down a clear thought. I can't even begin to conceive of an original thought. I have started this entry two times before I said fuck it and just started writing shit. How can I capture myself on this thing? List a bunch of songs I like? Talk about my baby a lot? Who knows.

Soon, it'll be our first wedding anneversary. I am going to try to overcome my laziness and plan an EVENT with music and food and a cute dress for me.

I like weddings, oh - I went to one today, btw - because they make me think about love and all types of smooshy stuff like that. I actually haven't been to many weddings in my life. A few of my cousins (and I, of course) all got engaged around the same time, so now they (the weddings, I mean) have been coming on like gangbusters. So even though it's mushy, I think it's not bad to get together in a church or some other beautiful space, and think about love for a little while.

The End