Tuesday, December 06, 2005

Incomplete

Even though I am making strides, there is so much pain I am still working through. I am an unfinished product. Parts are still raw to the touch.

Although I've heard this before and recognize that it applies to everyone, the truth of it still surprises me. I'm not done yet and I'm not supposed to be.

I think the people who are able to recognize their weakness are the ones who are able to live their lives with grace and simplicity. They don't expect anything but love and effort from themselves and mirror those feelings on to others.

Life for me on days like today is a struggle between what I should do and what I feel. Because there is so much that disapoints me right now it's easy for me to take those feelings, tie them around my ankles and let them drown me. I feel like they're all I know and all I have. When I look around, all I see is what I don't have and how much I've fallen short.

I hate being so touchy-feely all the time. I hate how sad and needy my writing is all the time. But I think that this is what is inside of me right now. To write anything else would be false.

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