back-back-forth-and-forth

so he's back. again.

I really think he loves me and cares about me. as crazy as that seems. and i'm drawn to him. which is crazier still. but i'm also terrified. i'm terrified that everything everyone else says is right. terrified that i'm making the wrong choices. terrified that something terrible is going to happen.

i'm drawn to him but what i'm not loving is when the terror overtakes me. when i think "how do I do this?" how does a relationship work? what makes a relationship? how to i shake off the terror? should i shake off the terror? I feel like i'm reaching for him and there's a glass wall between us. Did I build that wall? can it go away?

i'm trying here, people. but i'm so scared.