I realized today that the countdown is on until my 28th birthday. My graduating class in high school has a facebook group (everything in the world has a facebook group, btw) and there is just a two word summary: "We're old."

Of course, 28 is far from old, but it's not young either. At this point, if you're a trifling fuck-up, you don't have the excuse of inexperience to bail you out. When people talk about you they say you're old enough to know better.

I feel like I have changed a lot in my 27th year. I think I have gotten a lot less lazy, more organized. I am a teeny, tiny step in figuring out what I want out of life. Not that I know, mind you, but I know enough to ask myself what I want.

I have been working on what I think and what I believe lately. I read a post from this guy (link here) where he invokes The Secret and how what you think can become a reality. He was talking about Sarah Palin, her terrifying popularity, and the fear that many have (myself included) that this is just another step toward fear and control and forced religion. So I've been trying to be more positive in my thoughts in that respect. I've never read The Secret and I'm a little wary of Oprah's new-age hokeyness, but I do think what we think becomes our reality.

So, anyway, that made me think about my own life. About how much I fall into playing the victim, how comfortable I am saying "woe-is-me." I thought to myself, I need to envision the life I want, envision yourself powerful and active. And you know what? I couldn't. I can't. I have built quite a hill of passiveness for myself.