Jambalaya

I am a jumble of strengths and insecurities.

I'm ashamed of myself. I am strong. I am not ashamed.

I have shame about who I am. I am not good enough just as I am. That's what I'm fighting every day. But I'm a fighter.

There is the load I'm pushing uphill every time I switch on my left brain (right brain?) to write. Every time I stretch myself to change. It's an energy, a responsibility, a weight. I am using my energy to bring about change in myself.

I am not dragging around has-been and was. But there is part of me that wants to.

I've been confronted over the last few years with my real, true self. I hated the parts of me that were ugly. The parts that aren't pretty or photogenic. The parts that no one would want.

But there's beauty, too. I'm working to embrace it.

I've been running away from the work ahead of me because it seems so large, so unfathomable. It was dumped in my lap after I graduated - a big unformed mess.

"There 'ya go," something said. Make something of it. Make something of your self. My words have power and can be used as weapons. They can be wielded.

The future is not something to fear.

Yuck. I can do it.

Only I can have my voice and it's special. There is no other voice like it.